.. and I’m becoming more like her each and everyday of my life..

Topic started : Saturday, October 24, 2009 (5:06 pm)

I’ve decided to write down the timeline again, ahahaha..

It’s good to keep the trackback of my mind..

Well.. sometimes it takes time to finish a post for my mind oftentimes wandering around into another things that makes me lose focus on the current subject, and eheemm.. it happens.. a lot!! Ahahaha :p

Anywayy..

Earlier today Lalaa wrote in her updated status about her soo many blogs..

And she made me remember that me myself had soo many blogs as well, ahahaha.. some of them I couldn’t even remember the username and passwords, hihii.. and some otherss.. well.. I might even forget the address, wakakakak :p

Anywayy..

I stopped by to one of my earliest blog in Blogdrive and the last post in that blog took me back in time and made me remembering things I oftentime forget from time to time.

There’s one part of my post, about Austin Scarlett, one of the contestant of Project Runway (I forget which season, two, I guess).

He said, “I was born as Austin Scarlett and I’m becoming more like him each and everyday of my life.”

His words somehow just.. ehmm.. strucked me..

Even now, 2 years after I wrote that very note, I’m still touched by his words.

I tend to forget from time to time that writing has become my own self-therapy.

I mean I know it somehow.

But sometimes don’t really feel and think about it, ahahaha :p

I write how I feel.

Writing has been a way for me to tell things to myself.. things I know I should’ve heard but somehow there’s no one that seems to know what I need to hear anywayy..

So I tell things to myself.

Things to comfort me.

Things to make me believe in the beauty of life again.

Things to..

Mm..

I don’t know..

Sometimes those words just come out in my mind and my fingers just type down those words.

Sometimes my mind speak much faster than my fingers can type :p

And my mind.. tend to forget things easily as well.

Like this note.

Earlier this morning my mind had been so busy wrapping all the words until the end but since I didn’t have time to type it down, now those words had vanished, huhuhu..

Back to the title of the post.

I was born as Indah.. and I’m becoming more like her each and everyday of my life.

We can’t choose where we were born.

We can’t choose whose our parents would be.

We can’t choose our condition.

We can’t even choose the very simple thing.. our name.

I believe our parents put some kind of hopes in giving names to us.

Sometimes I feel like my name has been a burden to me.

It’s.. mm.. too good to be me anyway, huahahaha :p

I can never live up to the “Indah” they might have once hoped for when they named me.

I might never live up to their expectations.

And I guess that made me somehow kinda reject myself.

But in time I’ve come to realize..

I can never be anyone but me.

So now I guess..

It’s time for me to end this useless fight within me.

It’s time for me just to embrace myself, all the good and the bad.

And just say “amen” to whatever good things my parents were once put their prayers on when they named me as “Indah”.

It’s time to make somekind of peace with myself.

I only have one life (unlike cats who have nine :p).

So the sooner I make peace with myself, the better it will be, right?

We can’t choose some things that had happened, are happening and will happen in our life for sometimes things just.. well.. happen, just as simple as that.

So, Indah..

Let’s now be friends with each other.

For we are one.

And we should be heading to the same direction anyway..

Let’s work together in peace and harmony.

And let us be more like the “Indah” we want to be..

Within each and everyday of our life.

I’ve tried to deny some of my thoughts for somehow they felt kinda wrong.

But I can’t keep them away for long for they keep coming back from time to time.

So maybe this is just me.

With so many thoughts that some people in my life might’ve thought that I’m heading the wrong way.

But somehow I guess, the “right” or “wrong” is just our call to decide, right?

I’m lucky that these last couple of days, I had the chance to talk to some of my friends and found out that somewhat they were like me, too.

It felt real nice to know that I wasn’t alone.

And somewhat that gave me the sense of feeling that maybe I wasn’t wrong.

Maybe I just interpret things a little bit differently from them.

My heart and my mind.. shall we make peace now?

For I’m tired having to go back and forth into opposite direction.

Why don’t we just go together hand in hand to the one destination?

And be more like Indah for each and everyday of our life šŸ˜‰

Topic ended : Saturday, October 24, 2009 (6:22 pm)

-Indah-

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